Camp Low

Somehow it’s been hard to start journal entries lately. Just don’t know where to start. I felt so sad this afternoon, and it was strange because I really had no reason to. It wasn’t depression, it was just… sadness. I don’t know. It’s happened before, but usually I get the feeling after I think about all the crap happening in the world. Like I felt when I drew my Angel picture. I was watching a September 11th special last night, maybe that’s why. Except, usually thinking about that makes me physically sick, not sad for some reason. Actually… I have another idea. I think maybe I’m on a camp-low. Maybe having Green Bay and day camp back to back and then having everything over with is making me sad. People have told me about getting camp-lows, so yeah. I miss the kids. I’m happy when I’m surrounded with kids. I think I should have given little Zoe my phone number. She was telling me about how none of her friends like to talk to her. I’d talk to her. Except the camp admin might have had some issues about me giving a kid my number. Maybe I did the right thing.

Grade six has been coming up a lot between Kristen and I. It’s interesting, and amazing how much I’d basically forgotten, but then comes back to me when I think about it hard enough. I remembered the epic fight between Kimmy and Vanessa right away, even though I wasn’t even involved in it so much. I mean, I was Kim’s best friend, but I was on her side always, no questions. I think fights are harder when you have to choose a side. And now that I look back to that year, I wonder why a certain day didn’t come to mind sooner. I remember spending a whole gym period fighting back tears because I had to choose sides… crap, that was a tough year. Grades four through six… not pretty as far as friendships went. Ironically and thankfully, those were the worst years so far. There were slight complications involving me at the beginning of grade ten, but still nothing like elementary school. I’ve got awesome friends now, and I hope nothing can take us apart.

I was watching Anastasia with Kristen and Kim the yesterday. (I know so many Kims! It’s starting to get confusing. Heh.) Kim pointed this out and it’s true: the older people in Disney movies almost always symbolize wisdom. Now… a lot of the adults in my life I’d say are pretty wise. I don’t notice it so much until I look back a few years at the things they did or the things they told me. My French/English teacher in junior high had a lot of influence in my life simply because I was with her so often. French was a full year course and I took it all three years, plus I went to Quebec with her. In grade seven, the only friends I had in my homeroom at the beginning of the year were Sarah and Joslyn. Sarah and I had been pretty close in kindergarten and grade one, but when we got into different classes for the rest of elementary school, we kind of grew apart. Joslyn on the other hand was one of my closest friends in grade five and six. So one day we were in English and Jos and I asked Ms. Charnock if we could go sit at the back. She said no, cause there were only two seats back there and she didn’t want Sarah to feel left out. As the year went on, Sarah and I started becoming good friends again, while Joslyn began to hang out with a whole other group of people. By the end of the year, Jos was totally out of the picture and Sarah was one of my best friends. So guess what. Good call, Ms. Charnock, good call.