Slipping Through the Cracks
Things happen in strange ways. Rather, God makes things happen in strange ways. I’ve been feeling a little down these last few days. I don’t know exactly why but I’ve had a few ideas.
(The background.) I’ve always been average in everything, and thus, generally overlooked. My grades are in the high eighties. I’m not gifted, but I’m not struggling, and those generally are the things that get attention, especially at school. Same thing at dance. Average. I know the choreography and I’m working towards style, but I’m not take-your-breath-away good like the dancers in teachers’ class. In nearly every aspect I look at, I’m nothing better or worse than anyone else I know. I’ve thought about this a lot, and decided that I have my low-ish self-esteem to thank for all of this, in that I might be able to be special at something, but I really dislike drawing attention to myself. I’m aware of where my on-the-low-side self-esteem comes from, and I’m pretty sure the people who know me are aware as well.
Which brings me to the next point: Yes, I’ve always been the average, introverted underdog. And until now, I didn’t care; in fact, I liked it that way. And to a large degree, I really still do. But like Kim’s dad said at the art show last night, everyone wants to be recognized. I believe that being recognized comes with a price every time. (End background.)
That said, I figured the reason I’ve been feeling a little depressed lately is that I’ve been slipping through the cracks even more than usual. Being in a school of three thousand doesn’t help. Anyway, my story:
Today was the last day of football in gym. Elzinga’s class was playing against Bollinger’s class, and whoever’s class lost the most games had to buy the other’s lunch. I was on a pretty killer team: Younger, Szarka, some guy who’s name I don’t know, and Cailie. As a side note, we remain undefeated. Szarka threw the ball to me and I caught it, too! After awhile, they switched us to all-girl teams. None of us can play the game with any noteworthy skill, so it was more geared towards us girls. The other team kicked the ball to ours, I caught the thing in mid-air which was a complete shock to me. So I started to run to the other end of the field, kind of dodging the other players. Carmen comes up beside me and she didn’t even tag me all that hard, but we were running so fast that it just threw me off balance and I fell down and skidded. (Steve told me afterwards that it was a pretty good fall, which is interesting because I know he’s had worse.) Lucky for me, Elzinga was watching at the time and it was really great when he said, ‘Colette! Take an extra ten yards for that!’ But it was amazing because it didn’t even hurt that much and all of a sudden I had the recognition I’d been lacking for the whole day. Oh, yes, it came at a price but if I can walk tomorrow, it was worth it.
I met up with Kim when we were walking back into the school, and people were congratulating her for hitting them home. (She was playing baseball.) I know she lacks the recognition she deserves. She’s awesome at everything, especially art, but not a lot of people know it. So it seemed like both of us finished our respective gym units on a pretty high note, and I felt so happy that I wanted to cry. Well, maybe that was more because I was bleeding from all my appendages… but no, I really was ecstatic.
