Here We Are

As bright as evening stars
    that light the way.

On Saturday, Tom and I read a bit from an Enneagram book he borrowed. I have a lot of considering and introspection to do before I can confirm if I am indeed a Type 1 and what that means for me, but further, this new view into Type 8 (Tom’s type) has been rocking my view of him and others since that day. Of course, it all makes sense now! Almost as an extension of my last entry, knowing people’s motivations and reasoning help in understanding. That book has probably saved me years of anguish and has set me bounds ahead in discovering my “happy medium between doormat and jerk” method of interaction.

Here’s why. The realization is this: some people don’t challenge thoughts and opinions in order to prove someone wrong and break them or make them feel bad. They do it in part because something in them wants to respect a person, but they need a reason— they can’t do it blindly like some other people can. They want to see a person defend themselves, not run away. This insight into motivation changes everything for me. Instead of backing down when challenged (as is my instinct; to avoid conflict), I could step up to the plate and just do my best to explain why I think they way I do. And that might even be what they want! I know it all looks simple written down, but it’s difficult in practice for me. I’m more in the habit of removing things from danger than I am of handing them a sword.