Times Like These…
Yesterday was fun because Jen and I walked to 7-Eleven for slurpees and we had a killer time talking about how stupid post-secondary education has turned out to be. We were going to play badminton after we got back, but our hands were cold so we went inside and made new avatars for the forum. We ran out of time to play vampire badminton but maybe we will play it sometime soon. And more slurpees.
I was walking up to the Heart building from the train station this morning, listening to Yann Tiersen songs… honestly, that man’s music has a way of cheering me up to the extent at which I am nearly grinning while walking in a group of strangers, thinking, “life is fine and everything will be fine and I am fine.” It makes me wonder if there is actually a specific note pattern that releases some type of endorphin or something into my synapses, (nehehuheh, bio…) because for some odd reason, Cynic Project music has the same effect on me despite its synth-goodness. Like… maybe songs played in minor keys make me happy. Or crescendos, or perhaps a certain note progression. They should totally study that if they haven’t already.
I should burn a CD of only songs that make me inexplicably happy. Hell, yeah! Take that, bleak reality!
I’ve said this here before and I’m going to say it again: I read once that “problems in Virgos lives normally come from within them”, and right now that’s pretty much the case. Completely aside from the whole “I have no life direction” thing, I’m currently stressed out over little things. And I’m such an idiot because I should just deal with them as they come and not worry about everything so much.
Like, one thing was those two websites, but I’m feeling a lot better about them now that I have a good start on them. If I could just do this, websites for fledging businesses, full-time, that would be sweet.
The next thing is that summer job as a nanny thing. I can’t do it. It’s not looking after the kids that I can’t do, it’s just… I can’t drive and they live on a bus route, but I’d need to take two buses to get there. It makes so much more sense for them to have someone who drives. Also, I have no confidence in myself; I almost don’t trust myself looking after two kids full-time… I just don’t have much practice. I’m a sweet evening babysitter but all-day, every-day is… well it’s overwhelming. And I know what some may think: you’d better get used to being overwhelmed by children, miss “I’ma have three to five kids and love every minute of it”. But I maintain that it’s harder to look after someone else’s children. Oh yeah, raising kids is no picnic, but at least if you’re their mother they have some respect and of course love for you. And mothers can set rules, explain them and have their kids live by them. When I was looking after the boys I had to keep saying ‘no’ to them because I didn’t know what was canon! Like, I couldn’t take them to the park because I didn’t have a house key and you can’t trust the directional skills of a five-year-old to guide you there and back. But of course their mom can take them.
Apart from all that, I need this summer to get established in the graphics industry if I can. Secondary to that would be to get a job at ATCO again so I can make some decent money and hopefully go on that Europe trip that Mark is dying to go on. It wouldn’t be for another two summers, but I really want to go and I’d just die if I wasn’t able to go because I didn’t have the money.
The main thing that’s stressing me out there is that I feel bad about refusing the nanny job. What if she can’t find anyone else? I’m turning down the job on such short notice.
It’s in times like these I wish I had a backbone.
