Problems From Within
Since I guess the whole point of a journal is to read it in the future, I’d like to take the time to attempt to portray an accurate view of what things are like just now.
First, high school went by so, so quickly. I can honestly remember every detail of my first day in grade ten, and now I’m done the whole thing and it blows me away. I don’t like to think about the fact that I won’t see a lot of my friends half as much as I did this year. I suck at keeping in touch with people and that’s unnerving, considering some of my friends aren’t even going to be in the same country as me anymore.
And for some reason, I’ve been extremely stressed these past few days even though I should be happy beyond all measure. I don’t normally bother with horoscopes but I was reading recently about the personality and lifestyle tendencies of Virgos, and while most of it was not really applicable to me, one thing kind of made me think. It said that the problems in the lives of Virgos usually originate within themselves. That is so true for me right now. I mean think about it. I don’t presently have problems with my family or friends or money or anything really, but I get stressed about things because I choose to, basically. Like this job at ATCO, it’s not that I’m stressed about it, it’s that I’m lazy and would rather spend summer eating candy and staring at the sky. So really, this job is probably keeping me from gaining, like, twenty pounds this summer, so that’s good in the end.
The more I think about my so called problems, the more I see that they aren’t problems at all. It’s just me being childish. I hate phoning people so I’ve been procrastinating calling someone for a web design job. Now, why would I do that? The more corporate assignments that I can put on my resume, the better, right? Arg I’m so stupid sometimes!
I’ve determined that if I were smarter, braver and prettier that I’d have essentially no worries at all. But then I guess life would be pretty boring. Still…
And then there’s SAIT. Why am I worried about that? Oh yeah, the campus is intimidating and I won’t know anyone, blah, blah, blah. Same old freaking story: I’ll get there and spaz out but within a week it’ll feel like I’ve been there for months and I’ll be able to find my classes in my sleep. And even if I happened to have chosen the completely wrong program there, what does that matter, really? I’ll just go somewhere else next year.
