Out of Place

I should be happy. I mean, there’s four more days of school until holidays and classes were alright. But as soon as a few things go wrong in my day, my spirits tend to drop, and it’s hard to get them back up alone. We’re watching this movie in social, more of a documentary really, and it’s just… emotionally draining. I walked out of that class tired and shocked. World Vision commercials times two hundred.

Today was the Christmas party for Peer Support and there was lots of candy and junk food which was my lunch so that part was good. But Andrea and Cassy weren’t there and after Kitty left I kind of just stood there. I guess I should have gone with her. I was going to hang out with Matt but he soon after got into an involved conversation with Jo and Janet was talking to Mr. Dickson and Ms. Stephens wasn’t even there so… I waited for the bell and proceeded to social where we watched more of the depressing but true documentary. This world sucks, you know? Women are treated like absolute dirt in some of those Eastern states and tons of little kids die every day of starvation and some parents get ultrasounds and if the fetus is a girl they abort it because girls are ‘useless’. Arg. But Lesley and I might be sponsoring a child together. That would be cool.

My computer apps teacher doesn’t get me. We’re starting HTML in computers. I showed him my site. He said he might get me a special advanced project to do instead. That was good. He said he’d talk to Mrs. Tilson and ask if there was anything I could do for her. I said I had just talked to her that morning and was already doing the grad site for her. He said then that maybe I could make templates that the teachers could use for their class pages. I said that Mrs. Tilson was already had an awesome template and if you use more than one, the site looks crappy. He agreed. Then he said, ‘But in any case, you’d need to write the code in raw HTML’. I told him that I don’t know how to write raw HTML. I use an editor. They’re way faster, way easier, and way more professional. You think they created msn.com in Notepad? Don’t think so. I can read HTML very easily. Give me a code strand and I can tell you exactly what it does. I’ve used java and style scripts since sixth grade—but I don’t and can’t write raw HTML. ‘But the curriculum needs you to write the code from scratch.’ I can’t. Eventually I’m going to have to make this clear to him: If you want me to learn how to write raw HTML, then I have to do what the rest of the class is doing, regardless of how much experience I have using HTML editors. It’s that simple.

This is one of those times when I wish I had a dream journal. Maybe I’ll start one. I had this dream on Saturday night… made absolutely no sense but it was kind of cool anyway, plus I remember the whole thing which doesn’t happen very often.

“Have you ever felt so out of place that the smile on you face was to keep from crying?”