I Can Be A Rock, If I Have To

Passed by westward whales, if I have to.

Today I have a few things to note about personalities. I’ve had conversations about this with a couple people, so I apologize if this seems familiar to them. I really enjoy reading people’s take on their personality type though, so I thought I’d put this in writing just in case someone’s interested.

I’m an INFJ, an Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling Judger. I am so much an INFJ that when I read paragraphs describing INFJs, every word resounds with me. I think it’s fitting that I should be this type. It seems like other things within me are polar opposites of each other, too. My heritage? French and English. My zodiac sign? Virgo, the one sign that supposedly can be, at once, fully romantic and fully practical. To me, INFJ just seems to be an odd mix. Introverted and (in my case) shy, yet with a burning desire to connect with others. Passionate about feelings and abstract about interpreting the world, yet objective, perhaps cold, when organizing and scheduling.

For all my life, I’ve felt like I’m being tugged in many directions. I doubt this is an uncommon feeling, but yet, half the time this is purely an internal situation. My feeling side is saying “talk to people” while my introverted side is saying “seclude yourself to recharge”. A lot of the time, the feeling side wins out there. My friends who see me at all as an extroverted person are actually seeing the ‘Feeling’ aspect.

I get the feeling that many people, extroverted or not, would find it logical to say, “After a party with lots of people, an introvert will be exhausted. After hours spent with an extrovert, an introvert will be exhausted.” This is true, but I want to mention one other thing that perhaps is overlooked a lot. First, though, remember: Introvert does not mean shy. Introvert does not mean quiet. They can be; perhaps they often are, but these words aren’t synonymous. Introvert means that emotionally, they must have time alone to ‘recharge’. Extroverts are the opposite; they must spend time with others to recharge.

Alright. Now, figuratively speaking, think of introverts as being inside shells and extroverts as being not inside shells. The shells represent the alone time that introverts need to recharge. (In this metaphor, an extrovert within a shell would be losing energy.) Anyways, introverts can leave their shells on their own, but it may not be in their nature to do so. It might be easier for them if an extrovert ‘knocks on their door’, so to speak, and draws them out. Once out of the shell, the introvert begins to lose energy. Now, this isn’t to say that she’s not having fun. After all, recharging alone is a necessity for her but it is done so that she can leave the shell and interact with everyone outside of it.

In this regard, yes: Time with extroverts and large groups would eventually deplete an introvert’s energy. But consider this: Two introverts, two shells. What then?

My introvert side says, “stay in and recharge”. My feeling side says “connect with people”. My feeling side wins out. My need to connect with the other introvert overrides the desire to remain secluded. I not only draw myself out of my own shell, but then I must draw the other introvert out of theirs. Against my nature, I steer the conversation, I try to build bridges. Simply put, I become the extrovert. This is exhausting beyond anything else. This makes a party or time with an extrovert seem easy.

That’s all I wanted to say, really. It was a bit of an epiphany when I thought of two introverts tiring each other out more than an extrovert would. It’s interesting how we go against our nature to connect. People truly were designed for relationship.

“Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling.”